After the

Maybe, if all the people surrounding the president keep perfectly still and say absolutely nothing, maybe the whole two-term presidency will pass nicely through, everyone will get just results and no stirring of controversy; rather like a successful laxative.

One caveat has held throughout presidency of George W. Bush – say nothing. If you are unable to do that, at least say as little as humanly possible, always pick a pre-screened group if possible, and answer no questions.

Words to live by.

A little while ago, Bush’s top gun, Vice President Richard Cheney, held a little exercise to show other administration mavens just how this quiet strength thing works. First, he shot Texas lawyer Harry Whittington directly in the face and chest with birdshot. Key news item, the shooting; it was the "action item."

OK then, the public has the "action item" of the 78-year-old lawyer getting hit in the face and chest with birdshot. Cheney then employs the first strategy. Brilliant, really, this bit of deft handiwork is breathtaking, Cheney does nothing. Zero. An unruffled treatment of the "action item:" just ignore it.

Whittington was hit in the face and upper chest, but it was, after all, with little birdshot and he was going to the hospital for treatment. That meant, naturally, that he would be alright. That is what hospitals are for, fixing one up. Naturally, then, there was really nothing of moment to report to anyone, really.

VP riddles friend, but no real harm. Save everyone involved lots of effort to just close the flap on the envelope and forget about it. Besides, Cheney had a team of doctors with him. He always does. Being the official who could succeed to Bush’s presidency, and having serious heart attack problems, he has a virtual cardio unit with him everywhere, even hunting. Why, that even helped the Whittington fellow right after he was shot.

Well, therefore, Cheney had nothing to say; absolutely nothing to say to the press. An hour passed, four hours, 14 hours passed. Those who work for Bush or Cheney should pay careful attention here: 14 hours later, the lady who owns the quail hunting ranch talked to the local Texas newspaper about the little mishap. Cheney was not available for comment. Now, this is master escapism; Cheney delegated the job of telling the world about his hunting miscue. Not only that, she only talked to one local paper.

Oh the masterpiece Cheney concocted, it ought to be committed to a textbook for mandatory study. He left the area. She offhandedly allowed someone was shot. But after all, hunting accidents happen all the time, so nobody but those liberals who hate guns are getting all worked up over this. Aha! Another parry with the blade; gain support from hunters, show distain for liberals while at the same time minimizing the "action item."

Notice that the VP is using all the other speakers as blockers for his silent run around the end of the line. He said nothing for a day, then a couple of days. Finally it was up to four days that he said nothing. Four phenomenal days without communication; what masterful use of other’s tongues this was.

Then came the real challenge. Whittington had a mild heart attack.

Here is where the true understanding of quiet shows through. Because, one realizes, Cheney had nothing to change or subtract. He said nothing. It turned out that Whittington was really not in danger at all, many said, and that it was just a piece of the birdshot that had drifted to his heart and caused a little reaction that the doctors easily fixed.

So the heart attack, which really one would have to call "action item two," came and went without a misstatement from the vice president. Finally, on the fourth day, when all the business of possible serious injury or death or any other such ridiculous possibilities had been laid to rest, Cheney agreed to speak.

This is roughly like dancing in the end zone after making that long run around the end and down field with everyone blocking for you. One can prance, express deep empathy with the blocker who actually took a shot in the face and the chest area, too, and set everything straight. Four days later, when the birdshot was no longer a threat, he got on Fox television with Brit Hume. Fox television news is of course a propaganda machine.

It is used to promulgate whatever the current right-wing government’s viewpoints are at any point in time. Yet it uses the standard news formats as other news programs. It just makes no attempt to balance its news. If Bush & Co. could, it would buy a TV station and start broadcasting its own news with its own twists. But since it cannot do that, the next best thing is Fox television. Being trade-craft professionals, Fox television people can deliver something that looks, feels and acts like real news. That is simple showmanship.

And that is how they handled Cheney and his shooting his friend.

Vice President Dick got up to the cameras and made a repentant speech. He had the gun, he pulled the trigger, he shot the man, he is sorry. Well, now the entire United States has seen the vice president plainly confessing to this terrible misfortune and aren’t all Americans sympathetic? And shouldn’t all Americans stand with the unfortunate man and show some sympathy? How dare the press keep pestering everybody for all these meaningless details about the shooting!

Luckily, Brit Hume treated Dick Cheney like a contestant on a game show. He was not on camera to find out what happened, no, he was on camera to give Cheney the chance to paint the whole scene in his own way. Later, police decided there was no activity warranting any charges. The matter was dropped.

So now, with the incident and the aftermath all in the presidential scrapbook, Cheney has given all the small fry in the administration a breathtaking lesson in the sinew of silence.

It works, perfectly.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.